Every parent knows that life with children is full of surprises. One moment your child is happily immersed playing and the next they’re distressed and upset because of a broken toy. In these moments, it is easy to get overwhelmed and wonder what you can do to help your child and make time in your home less stressful. These moments can be tough, but you are not alone.
The good news is, Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) offers a multitude of strategies that are aimed at supporting children and their caregivers through difficult and challenging moments. These strategies can be simple to implement but can make a big impact in your day to day life. Below we’ll outline some practical tips and tricks to help manage challenging behaviors in your home!
Pause and Breathe
It is easier said than done but one of the most beneficial things you can do when your child is having a difficult time is to pause, take a deep breath, and know that you can work through this. Not only will remaining calm help you make decisions with a clear mind but it also models behavior you likely want to see from your child at that moment. Modeling behaviors we want a child to do is an underrated strategy to help them stay calm when things get hard.
Zoom Out - Look for the “why”
When BCBAs support you with understanding your child’s challenging behaviors, one of the first things they’ll likely do is ask you about what happens right before and right after the behavior occurs. This information helps understand the “why” behind the behavior which helps understand what skills to help your child learn. This is something you can do too! You can reflect on what happened right before the challenging behavior started. This may be the transition away from a preferred activity or toy, an instruction or question that was asked or attention being given to their sibling.
By exploring the “why” you can identify things that can be changed in the future. For example, if your child struggles when their sibling gets attention, you can offer them a toy they enjoy while they wait or set a timer and give them a quick thumbs up, hug, or high five while they wait for your attention again. Knowing the “why” of a behavior is a powerful tool to understand and help your child over time!
Set Clear, Achievable Expectations
When you need to set expectations with your child it is important to think about the expectations from their perspective. Were they paying attention? How much did you say within the statement? Are the requests you gave something they can readily achieve on their own? All of these can influence how difficult it may be for a child to complete an expectation which can impact challenging behaviors.
To set your child up for success when setting expectations, pause your activity and get on their eye level. This helps to make sure they hear what you’re asking them to do and aren’t distracted by other things going on. You can also keep in mind what they are able to do on their own and be thoughtful about only giving instructions within their skill set. We want to set them up for success; by asking them to do tasks that they cannot complete on their own or need support with, this may lead to frustration and escalate to more challenging behaviors. When you give the instruction, keep it short and simple so it is clear what you want them to do.
Offer Choices
Offering choices is a powerful tool to support your child before challenges arise! We all love to have a say in our day. Children often have their day decided for them which can be really difficult. By creating opportunities for your child to have choice throughout their day, you create space for them to have ownership and have things happen their way.
Offering choices doesn’t have to be complicated either! This can be as simple as giving them a choice in the order of completing a chore – “Do you want to pick up toys or take a bath first?”, offering options on the plates or cups they’ll use, to even offering fun ways they can transition to the dinner table – “Would you like to walk like a duck or an elephant to the table?” Choices not only give your child a say but can add in elements of fun too, which can be even more motivating and exciting!
Catch “Good” Behavior
One of the most important things you can do when supporting your child before, during, and after challenging behavior is to catch their “good” behavior as often as possible. It can sometimes be easy to just expect certain behavior from your children and not acknowledge all their efforts and hard work. By giving attention and praise to behaviors you want to see more of, it teaches your child what type of behaviors get attention and will help them learn what to do more often.
When challenging behaviors are happening, it can be difficult to see good behavior but this is where a change in perspective can go a long way! Sometimes the “good” behavior is the absence of the challenging behavior. For example, if your child was just kicking the wall and then they stop, you can say “I love your calm feet”. In this case, keeping their feet on the floor is a behavior we’d like to see more of and want to give our attention to while helping them through challenges.
Bring in Assistance - Visual or Auditory Supports and Calm Spaces
It may be helpful to add in extra support before your child’s challenging behavior begins. Some easy tools to implement are visual and auditory supports. Visual supports may be a timer with a visual countdown of when their time is up with an activity or a visual schedule with images that show them the order of their evening. This may look like a picture of their playroom, the dining room, the bath, and then their bedroom, showing them what to expect between now and bedtime. These visuals help the child know what to expect and removes any surprise from transitions that could be causing challenging behaviors.
It may also be helpful to have a specific space they can go to in your home that is their calm down or “safe” space. This space can include calming lights, music, or soft blankets and stuffies. You can help your child learn that this space is a safe space for them to go to when they start to feel upset. By giving them alternative areas and teaching them how it can be utilized, you can help them learn to identify when they are frustrated and seek out ways to cope that don’t involve those challenging behaviors.
Be Consistent
With all of the ideas listed above, it is important to know that consistency with what you use will be one of the most important factors to their success. Consistency with what you do and how you do it reduces uncertainty with how things will be set up or responded to which will help your child learn new skills and strategies over time.
Although these strategies are aimed to support your child, remember that your child is a unique individual so some of these strategies may work immediately while others may take time. If you have the support of a BCBA, know that they are always there to assist you! It is important to share areas you may need support on and ask for help; this ensures the expertise of the BCBA combined with their knowledge of your child helps tailor a plan that directly supports your individual needs. At Mindcolor, we believe that a client’s success reaches beyond the progress made in our centers and the success found in the home setting is just as important as what we see when your child is with us! We believe every parent should be empowered to support their child with effective strategies that help make their life and their child’s life better.
Author: Hannah Jones, MS, BCBA, Vice President of Clinical, Processes and Training at Mindcolor Autism