Balancing Routine with Flexibility in Autistic Children

Creating clear and consistent routines can greatly benefit all children, particularly those with autism. However, it's important to recognize that excessive reliance on rigid routines may lead to challenging behaviors and lack of flexibility¹. This blog aims to examine effective strategies for achieving a balance between structure and flexibility, ensuring that autistic children can thrive in a supportive environment that provides the right amount of each.  

Understanding the Importance of Routine

Studies have demonstrated that routines have a positive impact on child development. Specifically, consistent routines are linked to favorable outcomes across various developmental domains, including cognitive abilities, self-regulation, social-emotional skills, academic performance, and overall mental and physical well-being². If you are the parent of an autistic child, it’s obvious why you want to establish consistent routines. Routines can provide security and predictability and positively influence your child’s development. Additional benefits to routines include the possibility of a reduction in negative feelings (e.g., stress, anxiety, fear), improved skills, and lowered family stress. Some examples of routines you may wish to establish or have already established for your autistic child include a morning wake-up routine, a mealtime routine, or a night bed-time routine. 

Recognizing the Need for Flexibility

In the context of a routine, flexibility refers to the ability to adapt or modify established activities and schedules in response to changing circumstances, needs, or preferences. It allows for adjustments while still maintaining a general structure, enabling children to cope with unexpected events, explore new opportunities, and balance various aspects of their lives. Flexibility in routines can help reduce stress and promote resilience by providing the freedom to navigate challenges while still benefiting from the stability that routines offer. 

Finding the Right Balance

Finding the right balance between flexibility and routine is crucial for parents, especially those with autistic children, yet it can often lead to confusion. Many parents struggle to determine how to effectively juggle these two elements of family life. On one side, overly rigid routines may result in stress and challenging behaviors in children. When routines become too strict, it can hinder a family’s ability to enjoy everyday moments, often leading to frustration for both parents and children. Meanwhile, a lack of established routines can create an equally stressful environment marked by unpredictability, particularly around important daily activities like mealtimes, bedtimes, and self-care needs.

So, how can parents of autistic children strike this balance in a way that supports their child's well-being while also benefiting the entire family? Below, we detail strategies to balance routine and flexibility, helping families navigate the complexities of daily life with greater ease.

Strategies for Balancing Routine and Flexibility

• Establish a basic structure but allow details to vary from day to day. To create a good balance between routine and flexibility, try establishing a basic framework for your daily activities while allowing for variations each day. For example, you might set a general evening routine that includes having dinner, bathing, getting dressed, brushing teeth and hair, engaging in a calming activity (like reading), and then turning off the lights. While this structure serves as a reliable guide for your evenings, you can (and should!) introduce daily variations. These variations might involve choosing between a bath or a shower, deciding if your child should brush their hair or teeth first, or switching up the calming activity to include options like listening to music, reading different books, or exploring various textures. A foundational routine provides the consistency that your child and family need, while the small variations from day to day prevent rigid adherence to the exact sequence and type of activities.

  
  

• Implement a routine, but occasionally and intentionally switch things up. You can also create a balance between routine and flexibility by having a basic framework and sequence of events but intentionally switching things up every once in a while. For example, if your nighttime routine consisted of the previously mentioned activities and this order (having dinner, bathing, getting dressed, brushing teeth and hair, engaging in a calming activity, and then turning off the lights), you might occasionally change the order, like having your child brush their teeth before bathing. You can make these changes naturally, for example, by telling your child that their toothbrush has toothpaste on it, so it makes sense to brush before bathing, or turning off the lights first, and having a calming activity involving the nightlight after. Be sure to praise your child for acceptance of these types of changes in their routine and provide even more praise when your child enthusiastically and easily transitions. 

  
  

• Provide transition periods. If a routine needs to change or it is simply a time you are aiming to switch parts of it up intentionally, provide time for your child to transition. For example, you might say “we’re going to brush our teeth next, you’ve got 5 more minutes, then we will go.” While this type of transition period may not fully decrease challenging behavior associated with the change of events, it could help prepare your child and lessen the abruptness of movement to the next part of the routine without notice. 

  
  

• Provide advance notice (when you can) of changes to routine. In some situations, providing advance notice of an upcoming transition has been shown to reduce challenging behavior³. Similar to providing transition time, give advance notice of changes to routine, whether intentional or unexpected when you can. This notice can be given in the form of a simple verbal statement (“we’re going to go to the store next”) or by use of other ways your child may communicate like through pictures, schedules or electronic devices. 

  
  

• Incorporate choices. Choice can be a powerful tool for minimizing stress for any child. When you can, try incorporating choices into your routine. Choices will give your child the opportunity to express their desires with the routine but also embed some natural flexibility. For example, you could provide your child with two different toothbrushes to choose from, give them the choice of the order of specific events within their routine, or even give them the chance to skip a part of their routine sometimes (e.g., no need for a bath tonight). 

  
  

• Role play scenarios to build comfort with change. When your child is ready, you can try practicing changes to routine or even the routines themselves. You can do this by pretending you are in the situation and having them act out how they might respond if something changes. Provide enthusiastic praise and encouragement for acceptance of change and self-initiated change to routine when it occurs in these play scenarios. 

  
  

• Observing and Adjusting. Finally, remember to observe your child in the midst of routine and change to sense how they respond, what brings them joy, and how they need their environment to function. These observations will allow you to adjust your approach to managing routine with flexibility more fully and in a way that is most meaningful to your child. 

Finding the right balance between routine and flexibility is important for supporting the growth and well-being of autistic children. By observing their responses and adjusting routines to better meet their unique needs, parents can create an environment that is both structured and accommodating. Encouraging open communication and feedback from your child about what works for them equips them with important social skills. By following these strategies, you can create a responsive and supportive atmosphere where your child can thrive. 

Are you eager to explore autism and discover personalized, holistic interventions specifically designed for your child and family? Our dedicated professionals are here to provide the tailored support your child needs to thrive.

Check out Mindcolor Autism to learn more. 

Author: Amber Valentino, Psy.D., BCBA-D

Chief Clinical Officer at Mindcolor Autism

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¹Bull, L.E., Oliver, C., Callaghan, E. et al. Increased Exposure to Rigid Routines can Lead to Increased Challenging Behavior Following Changes to Those Routines. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 45, 1569–1578 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-014-2308-2

²Selman, S. B., & Dilworth-Bart, J. E. (2024). Routines and child development: A systematic review. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 16(2), 272–328. https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12549

³Brewer, A.T., Strickland-Cohen, K., Dotson, W. et al. Advance Notice for Transition-Related Problem Behavior: Practice Guidelines. Behavior Analysis Practice 7, 117–125 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40617-014-0014-3